


In The Mail

by doomprincess, FeyMeggan



Series: Sophie 'Verse [2]
Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Labyrinth (1986), Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Coulson Lives, Crossover, Gen, Girls Next Door Comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomprincess/pseuds/doomprincess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeyMeggan/pseuds/FeyMeggan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jareth receives mail and discovers there are cameras everywhere...everywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mail

**Author's Note:**

> Totally based on this comic http://fav.me/d59i89d  
> With Permission  
> This was written, by FeyMeggan, I simple am posting for her, with her permission.  
> an - I...I'm not sure where this came from or where it was originally going. Same Sophie-verse, maybe a few days after the first one?

A very large, very heavy manila envelope fell into his lap. This stopped many things. It stopped Jareth's leg swinging as it draped over the edge of the chair. It stopped Skeep from using a mailbox run as an excuse to make a bid for freedom later in the day. And it stopped Eric in his tracks as a very disgruntled, and confused, Goblin king asked, “What, pray tell, is this?”

Sighing the musician turned around and tipped his head to the side as though pondering this question heavily. “Well, it appears to me to be an envelope, addressed to Jareth, King of the Goblins. And as such I, being a very nice roommate, have delivered it to you here in our apartment as I return with my own mail.” Rolling his eyes he turned back towards his room, his magazines and a small parcel tucked in his arms.

As the door clicked shut he missed the very confused follow-up statement, “Yes, it is, but who would send me anything?” Because it was true. Jareth never got mail. He never even got junk mail. Which, really, when you have a fleet of goblin minions that would love to sign you up for some horrific mailing list or something, it is truly a miracle. Though, it did help that he'd never quite explained how the mortal postal system worked. If he had he'd be inundated with boxes containing half eaten chicken leg (in case King was hungry!) or a fetching sock (very pretty) or a fleet of post cards nicked from the various other tenants in the building. Suffice to say, Jareth was quite pleased to not be facing these things.

Lifting the offending item he stared at the address on it, it was indeed penned to him, in very precise hand writing:  
Jareth, King of the Goblins  
122 E. 51st St, Apartment 66  
Betwixtplaces, NY 100002

He then glanced at the senders address and frowned. He did not know the name, nor think he'd even heard of the place:  
P. Coulson c/o SHIELD  
1 SHIELD Plaza  
New York City, NY 10036

“Curiouser and curiouser,” he muttered, and flipped it over to open the flap. Sitting up a bit in the chair he watched as a series of papers and photographs slid out to flutter around him like so much confetti. A heavy thunk followed and he lifted a plucked brow at the bit of technology that now sat on his lap. Picking up a sheet of white velum he furrowed his brow and read the short message therein.

Jareth, 

Answer the phone.

Coulson

The small device gave a warble, familiar opening notes filling the air. Jareth contemplated ignoring it, after all he took orders from no mortal, and this smacked of an order. But, like cats and goblins, he was unable to resist the temptation of curiosity. He'd seen Sarah on one of these enough to know the basics. Lifting the phone he stared at the small screen and tapped the green phone icon. Placing it next to his ear he pulled the mantle of his station around himself and took a breath, only to be interrupted before he even started.

“I am aware that you find this completely beyond the pale, as it were. However, as I have a payload of pig-iron waiting to be launched into your living room you'll do me the courtesy of listening before you get your glittery fae knickers in a knot. If you flip over the photographs that you've let fall around the floor you'll see that I've been keeping an eye on you for a while.” Jareth flipped over the items in question and his eyebrows rose, first in surprise then in awe. The man on the phone had images of him from a variety of locations. In fact, he tipped his head to the side and cast a sly glance at his room, it seemed he even had cameras in there...somewhere.

“I could do the whole song and dance, which I know you'd just love, about having cameras everywhere. But I would rather just cut to the chase. You've been harassing Sarah Williams for a while now. I will not tolerate you playing with her, emotionally or any other way; if you should do so I will end you. In a way that even the chickens would appreciate.”

Jareth couldn't hold back a chuckle at this. So that was this man's game, another suitor thought he could scare the Goblin King off his prize? “I believe you call yourself Coulson, correct?” A short yes followed. “Then, Coulson, you'd do well to know that Miss Williams is mine. Iron or no, you're threats do not worry me. And should you ever feel like a real man you may deliver it in person, along with whatever other empty show of force you care to include. If I choose to enjoy the chase that is my prerogative, and her lot. By the by, you'd also do well to know you're place, I am 'Your Majesty' the next time you choose to address me.”

“Fine, Your Majesty, just know that I am watching. I trust Sarah to keep you in line, but if you step even one overly poofed, painted or primped toe out of line it will be my distinct pleasure to find out just exactly what the rebels have planned for you.” There was silence on the other end and Jareth moved to put the phone down. 

“Foolish mortal,” Jareth scoffed, but a muted snort startled him into lifting the phone once again.

“Oh, and as a reminder, I hope you enjoy the new trick I taught a few of the smarter goblins.” A very loud click indicated the man had finally hung up. Standing up Jareth took the phone into the kitchen and gleefully ground it down the disposal. Dusting off his hands he turned to gather up the papers that had come with the letter when he stopped, his mouth falling open. A small contingent of his minions were scattered around the room, all of them holding envelopes or postcards. All of them wearing the same manic grins.

“Hey King! Boss-man-guy showed us how to send King letters! All the letters!” Hearing a dull thunk Jareth looked over the edge of the couch, and sure enough there was a goblin trying to wrap himself inside a package that had 'To King, surprise inside! Do Not Bog!' on the outside. Backing towards his room slowly Jareth took comfort, small as it was, that Eric was the one that retrieved the mail...so he could have the joy of tossing all the new goblin fan-mail in the trash. Closing his door with a click he glanced about, recalling the angle the one shot had presented. Now, to find that camera....

~*~*~*~*~*~  
Sarah and Christine's Apartment  
~*~*~*~*~*~

The cell phone warbled and Christine nearly hurled it at her roommate's head. “I told you to please change that song! I had it stuck in my head for a week last time!” She picked up one of the decorative throw pillows and smashed it over her ears.

“Sorry!” Sarah licked at her fingers before answering the phone. “Hi Uncle Phil, two calls in two weeks, I'm going to feel spoiled!” She listened for a minute, her eyes going wide and her mouth falling open. “You what? When?” Smacking a hand to her forehead she groaned and grabbed her own pillow to bury her face in. Mumbling into it she had to repeat herself, sans pillow when he asked what she said. “It was a sweet idea, but now I'm going to get all sorts of random things in the mail from them. No, no...it's okay. I know you meant well. Really. No. I can deal with this. Uh huh, sure, see you in November. Love you too. Bye.” Groaning Sarah re-buried her head in the pillow and contemplated how good it would feel to scream. 

“Your uncle?” Christine plucked up Sarah's phone and promptly started searching for a new song to replace the abomination she had. If she left it up to the brunette it would probably be something by Poison or Twisted Sister.

“Uh huh” Sarah muttered.

“Not good news?” crowing triumphantly she found a decent enough song in her play-list and assigned it.

“Well...he sorta did the 'overprotective relative' schtick on Jareth.” Sarah had turned her head and now rested her cheek on her hands.

“Not too surprising after what you told me about him.” Christine placed the phone back near Sarah and grumbled when the brunette picked it up and obviously went to change the ring tone back.

“Except as a parting blow he taught the goblins a new trick. The new trick being how the postal system works. So, I have a feeling I'm going to be getting a LOT of goblin mail in the foreseeable future.” Silence reigned for a moment as they both thought this over. The blonde tapped a finger against her cheek and asked the important question both Sarah and Jareth had overlooked.

“Do you think he told them they'd need stamps?”


End file.
